Reflections of My Mother

As a tiny little girl

I can see my mommy lying abed

She does not get up

I can not go to her

She is so very sick

My daddy takes care of her

A bag hangs on the wall

A long tube is coming from it

I watch as daddy talks to the doctor

She gave me candy

That made me feel better

Months later, mommy comes home

With her she brings my new baby brother

He is not a healthy baby

Mommy has no time for me

I spend many days with grandma

Her love surrounds me, comforts me

One-day baby brother has to go to the hospital

Once again mommy has no time for me

Brother came home and needed a lot of care

So again I spend time with grandma

Life wasn’t easy for my family

Daddy had trouble finding a job

Mommy went to work

My brothers and I went to the babysitter

The day came when I was told

That daddy had to go far away

He went to look for work

Mommy was alone to take care of us

Daddy was gone for so long

When he returned, we were told

To California we had to move

It was so hard to leave behind

My home, my friends, my grandma

We drove for many hours

In the dark of night our car broke down

Mommy was worried, Daddy was mad

I was so frightened

We finally arrived at our new home

I met an aunt who was so much like grandma

It made things much easier.

I started attending a new school

And got lost the first day

As I was walking home

Somehow I found my house

But was scolded for being late

Why didn’t mommy understand?

I made a new friend

But daddy didn’t like her

She was different, her skin was dark

I could no longer play with her

I soon grew into a teenager

And all the turmoil of those years

Came bearing down

Mom still didn’t have time for me

Dad was too busy working

I felt so alone and lost

The year of my seventeenth birthday

Dad came to me to say

He would no longer be living with us

Mom was sick all the time

I had to take care of the house

Shop for groceries

And go to school

It became too much for me

I sought release and comfort

But found it in the wrong place

I was to bear a child of my own

Mom sent me away

I couldn’t return home

I bore that child alone

Without my mother or family

I had no way to take care of this baby

So my child I did surrender

Some months later I was wed

My mother was not happy with my choice

No happy times, no celebration with her

Many years later, when I bore another child

I was so happy

This child was long awaited

And a joy for me

But not for my husband

My mother only said, "I told you so"

I struggled to keep my marriage going

Without support from those close to me

Four years later I conceived another child

My life was in turmoil

My husband was angry

My mother pointed her finger

And said again "I told you so"

I continued to struggle

All the while trying

To give my sons the love

I never had from my parents

When the day arrived

That my husband left

I was almost relieved

Once again mom said, "I told you so"

Ten years have gone by

Mom passed away this week

I look back and think

Of all the lost opportunities

That are forever gone

As I am making all the plans

And going through the motions

Getting ready for her funeral

I reflect on the love that never seemed near

But somehow arrived at the end.

Just a short time before she died

My mother gave me a loving look

And said these wonderful words

"I love you"

They are the most precious words

She could have ever have said

Thank you Lord for giving me

The simple and most cherished gift

Of my mother’s love.

By: Ann Martin

January 28, 2000

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